Why ADHD Coaching Didn’t Work for You
And What You Might Need Instead
By: Gina Romero, LICSW, LCSW
You received a diagnosis later in life, and you were hopeful. You invested time, energy, and a good chunk of money into ADHD coaching, only to feel like you were still falling short. The color-coded calendar didn’t help. The accountability check-ins felt like pressure. You bought a bunch of new notebooks for various tasks, and you didn’t use them. And no matter how many productivity hacks you tried, something still wasn’t clicking.
You were left wondering: What’s wrong with me?
The answer is simple: Nothing is wrong with you. ADHD coaching didn’t fail because you weren’t trying hard enough. It didn’t work because the issue was never just about needing more structure, accountability, or screen time limits. The issue was deeper than that. And if coaching left you feeling more ashamed or defeated, it’s likely because no one addressed the real root of the problem.
ADHD Is Not Just About Time Management
Many people (especially late-diagnosed adults) come to coaching already carrying a lifetime of internalized messages. These might sound like:
I’m lazy.
I’m incompetent
I’m stupid
I never do things the “right” way.
Even the most well-intentioned coaches can unintentionally reinforce these messages when they focuses solely on behavior change without first addressing why those behaviors exist in the first place. If you’ve experienced trauma, chronic invalidation, or years of masking, you may need more than a to-do list app. You may need therapy that actually rewires how you see yourself and interact with the world.
That’s why trauma-informed therapy works better than coaching alone.
Why Trauma-Focused Therapy Works When Coaching Doesn’t
Trauma-focused modalities like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and IFS (Internal Family Systems) don’t just look at what you’re doing, they help you understand why you're doing it. And more importantly, they help you heal what’s underneath the procrastination, impulsivity, shutdowns, and emotional overwhelm.
EMDR and Executive Functioning
You might be surprised to learn that EMDR, commonly known for treating trauma, anxiety, and panic, can also improve executive functioning. How? Because EMDR helps process the unresolved emotional experiences that hijack your ability to stay organized, focused, and motivated.
Here’s what that might look like in therapy:
We identify the memory or belief that fuels your stuckness (e.g., “I’m lazy”)
We use bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements or tapping) to reduce the emotional charge of that memory
Over time, you begin to reprocess the belief, and replace it with something more accurate like, “I’m capable”
As emotional reactivity decreases, your cognitive bandwidth increases. That means more capacity for planning, following through, and self-regulation. It also means increased confidence, which is an often-overlooked component of ADHD support.
IFS: Healing the Internal Blame Game
IFS (Internal Family Systems) can also support you in unlearning negative beliefs. It works by helping you build a relationship with the different “parts” of yourself. Many ADHDers are familiar with the experience of having one part that wants to get things done and another part that completely shuts down. IFS helps you move away from shame and toward curiosity.
Instead of asking, “Why can’t I just do the thing?”
We ask, “What part of me feels overwhelmed by this task, and what is it trying to protect me from?”
Maybe your procrastination isn’t just avoidance. Maybe it’s a protective response rooted in fear of failure, perfectionism, or rejection sensitivity. When we meet these parts with compassion (instead of trying to silence or override them), they soften, and your system starts working together instead of against itself.
Therapy Isn’t Just About Coping, It’s About Healing
ADHD coaching focuses on doing. But if your nervous system is constantly on edge, your self-talk is critical, and your emotional wounds are unaddressed, it doesn’t matter how many timers or planners you use. You’re still running uphill.
Trauma-informed therapy gives you the tools to stop running and start healing.
It helps you:
Understand how past experiences shaped your current challenges
Rewire negative core beliefs
Build real self-trust
Increase your window of tolerance
Actually improve your ability to focus, plan, and follow through
You Deserve More Than a Productivity Plan
If you’re feeling discouraged because ADHD coaching didn’t work, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. You just needed a different kind of support. You need support that holds space for your whole story, not just your to-do list.
At Wandering Pine Wellness, we specialize in trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults with ADHD. We use modalities like EMDR and IFS to help you get to the root of the problem and build lasting change from the inside out.
Ready to try something different?
Schedule a free consultation and let’s find the approach that actually works for you.
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