What Is Emotional Intelligence? A Therapist’s Guide to Emotional Growth
By: Kerry McCarthy, LPC, CPC, LMHC, LAC
Emotional intelligence (EI) is your ability to understand your emotions, manage them well, and respond to your emotional experience and others in thoughtful and respectful ways. It’s not about being “nice” all the time; it’s about being self-aware, emotionally flexible, and able to connect with others effectively.
At its core, emotional intelligence helps us navigate the ups and downs of everyday life—whether in our relationships, at work, or during moments of stress or uncertainty. Research shows that in many settings, including the workplace, emotional intelligence is often more important than IQ. People with high EI tend to be better collaborators, stronger leaders, and more adaptable under pressure. They are also more skilled at navigating arguments, experience greater satisfaction with their social networks, and receive more social support. Additionally, those with strong emotional intelligence are more likely to build trust, resolve conflicts effectively, and be considered for promotions.
The Four Branches of Emotional Intelligence
Understanding the four branches of emotional intelligence is essential to learn how to improve emotional intelligence and develop the necessary skills for emotional well-being:
1) Accurately Perceive Emotion in Oneself and Others
This foundational skill involves recognizing and interpreting nonverbal cues such as facial expressions and tone of voice. Basic emotions like happiness, sadness, anger, and fear are universally recognized and serve as essential tools for social interaction. Accurately perceiving these emotional signals in yourself and others is the first step toward building emotional awareness.
2) Use Emotion to Facilitate Thinking
Emotions can guide attention, highlight important issues, and influence how we process information. For example, noticing signs of distress in a coworker—such as tearful eyes or a disheveled appearance—can prompt thoughtful consideration about how best to respond. Using emotional information effectively helps you prioritize and shape your decisions.
3) Understand Emotional Meaning
Emotions provide valuable information about our internal states and external situations—they are signals, not commands. Fear may signal a need to escape danger, anger may reflect perceived injustice, and happiness often indicates a desire for connection. Understanding these messages and the potential responses they suggest (like resolving conflict or seeking support) leads to more intentional decision-making.
4) Managing Emotions
The ability to regulate your own emotions and respond effectively to the emotions of others is crucial. This means staying calm under pressure, expressing feelings appropriately, and adapting your responses to fit different contexts. Emotion regulation involves skills to manage emotions thoughtfully, including offering empathy, de-escalating tension, or setting healthy boundaries.
How Is Emotional Intelligence Measured?
Emotional intelligence can be assessed through tools like the BarOn Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i) or the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT). These tests explore areas such as:
Emotional awareness: Recognizing your own emotional state
Self-regulation: Managing impulses and stress
Empathy: Attuning to others’ feelings
Decision-making: Using emotions constructively
Relationship management: Maintaining healthy interpersonal dynamics
While no test is perfect, they provide valuable insights into your emotional landscape and highlight areas for growth.
How to Improve Emotional Intelligence
The good news is emotional intelligence isn’t fixed—it can be developed over time with intentional effort. Here are some effective ways to start how to improve emotional intelligence and build your skills to manage emotions:
Self-Awareness (Perceiving Emotions)
Mindfulness: Practice present-moment awareness to recognize emotions as they arise.
Journaling: Reflect regularly to identify emotional patterns and triggers.
Body scanning: Notice physical sensations connected to emotions (e.g., tight chest for anxiety).
Expand emotional vocabulary: Learn precise emotion words (e.g., frustrated vs. angry).
Using Emotions to Facilitate Thinking
Perspective-taking: Use emotional cues to understand others’ viewpoints.
Creative thinking: Leverage curiosity or inspiration to solve problems.
Emotional pattern recognition: Notice how emotions influence your choices.
Understanding Emotions
Emotional analysis: Ask, “What is this emotion telling me?”
Recognize causes and effects: Link emotions to events or thoughts.
Enhance emotional understanding: Learn to decode others’ emotional signals.
Emotion Regulation (Managing Emotions)
Breathing and relaxation: Use calming techniques during emotional spikes.
Cognitive reframing: Change how you interpret situations to alter your response.
Impulse control: Pause before reacting emotionally.
Conflict resolution: Manage tensions in emotionally intelligent ways.
Set boundaries: Know your limits and communicate them respectfully.
Emotional Intelligence & Therapy Benefits
Therapy offers a supportive environment to deepen your emotional intelligence. Some evidence-based therapeutic approaches that promote EI growth include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps identify and change unhelpful thought patterns affecting emotional reactions.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Assists in processing past trauma that may block emotional awareness.
Mindfulness and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Teach you to stay present and respond to emotions with acceptance rather than avoidance.
Therapy can help you develop stronger emotional awareness, improve relationship skills, and build resilience to better manage stress and conflict.
You Can Grow Your Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is not an innate trait you either have or don’t have. Like any skill, it can be cultivated through practice, curiosity, and support. If you’re ready to increase your emotional awareness, build effective skills to manage emotions, and experience the many emotional intelligence therapy benefits, our practice is here to support you.
Request an intake or free consultation to schedule a free consultation and start your journey toward greater emotional growth and mental well-being.
