The Real Reason You Keep Canceling Your Therapy Appointments
By: Gina Romero, LICSW, LCSW
You tell yourself it's scheduling conflicts, a busy week, or finances. But if you're being honest? That's probably not the whole story.
Can I be honest with you for a minute?
You booked the appointment. You had every intention of going. And then, somewhere between scheduling it and showing up, something shifted.
Maybe you told yourself it wasn't a good time. Work picked up. The kids had a thing. You weren't feeling well. Or maybe you live in the PNW and the sun finally came out, so you started to feel a little better, so you figured you could hold off.
I hear these explanations all the time. And I'm not here to shame you for them. But I am here to offer you a different perspective: most of the time, the reason people cancel therapy has very little to do with logistics.
The Three Real Reasons You Canceled Your Appointment
1. Therapy Is Working, and That's Terrifying
Here's a an interesting paradox: sometimes people cancel because therapy is effective.
When you start making progress, things get stirred up. Old patterns get noticed. Emotions you've been successfully avoiding for years start bubbling to the surface.
So you cancel the appointment. You suddenly get very busy. And you decide you're fine now.
I’m a very “call it like I see it” type of therapist, so I’m going to tell you what I see. This is avoidance, and it's one of the most common responses to genuine healing. Your brain isn't broken. It's doing exactly what brains do when something feels threatening. The uncomfortable truth is that the "threat" is just growth. There's something deeply uncomfortable about sitting with what's coming up, even when you know it's exactly what needs to happen.
2. You're Afraid of What You Might Find
You’re afraid of uncovering something you're not ready to face.
Maybe you have a sense, even a vague one, that if you really start digging, you'll find something painful. A grief you haven't processed. A pattern you don't want to see in yourself. A realization that will require you to change something, or have a hard conversation, or grieve a version of your life you thought you'd have by now.
So you don't go. Feeling better requires going through something first, and that's scary.
This is incredibly human. It's also incredibly common! If you can relate to all of this, I promise you that you’re not the only one.
3. Your Therapist Isn't a Good Fit, but You're Afraid of Hurting Their Feelings
I really wish we talked about this one more, both from the client and therapist sides.
Sometimes people stop showing up not because of avoidance or fear of growth, but because something about the therapeutic relationship just isn't working. The therapist's style feels off. You don't feel understood. You leave sessions feeling confused. Or maybe you’ve been seeing your therapist for several years, and you've outgrown what this particular therapist can offer you.
And instead of saying something, you just... stop going.
Here's what I want you to know: therapists are trained for this conversation. A good therapist will not fall apart if you tell them the fit isn't right. They will not take it personally, or at least they won't make it your problem. In fact, most therapists genuinely want to know, because if the fit is off, they want to help you find someone better. I tell all of my clients this when we first start working together: “My feelings won’t be hurt if you tell me that I’m not the right fit for you. I want you to work with a therapist who feels like a good fit, and that isn’t always me!” (Feel free to steal this language if you’re a therapist reading this!)
Ghosting your therapist might feel easier in the short term. But it usually means you quietly give up on therapy altogether, and that's a much bigger loss than an uncomfy five-minute conversation.
What to Do Instead of Canceling
Notice the pattern. If you keep canceling right before sessions that feel too close, or when things get stirred up, that's data. Bring it to your therapist. Seriously. That is the work.
Lower the stakes in your head. You don't have to have a breakdown or a revelation every session. Some sessions are quiet. Some are uncomfortable. Some are just... maintenance. All of it counts.
Go anyway, even when you don't want to. This is the one I push clients on. The sessions you least want to attend are often the most important ones. That resistance is pointing at something.
Talk to your therapist about the canceling. If you've canceled multiple times, you didn't fail. There's something worth exploring there. A good therapist won't judge you for it. They'll get curious with you.
Fire your therapist, but do it during a session. And ask for their help finding someone who’s a better fit!
If You're Already in Therapy: You Can Say the Hard Thing
If any of this resonated and you're currently working with a therapist, I want to encourage you to bring it directly into the room.
Here are some opening lines that you can use, or that you can borrow:
"I've been noticing I keep wanting to cancel, and I'm not sure why. Can we talk about that?"
"I think I've been avoiding something, and I'm not ready to name it yet, but I wanted to say that out loud."
"Honestly? I've been dreading coming in lately. I don't think it's about you, but I don't fully know what it's about."
"I'm wondering if this is still the right fit for me, and I feel weird saying that."
“I don’t think we’re a good fit for each other. Can you help me find someone who might be a better fit?”
Any of those is a great place to start. Your therapist's job is to hold space for exactly these kinds of conversations. You're not going to break anything by being honest.
If You Haven't Started Therapy Yet: You're in Good Company
If you're reading this and you've never made it past the "I should really find a therapist" stage, this section is for you.
Avoidance doesn't always look like canceling a confirmed appointment. Sometimes it looks like leaving a tab open for three weeks. Telling yourself you'll call "after things calm down." Googling therapists at 11pm, feeling briefly hopeful, and then closing the browser without doing anything. Deciding you're not "bad enough" to need it.
That version of you, the one who keeps almost-starting, is not broken or weak or too far gone. They're scared. And scared is a completely okay place to be.
A lot of people who eventually find their way into therapy never wanted to go in the first place. Many of our therapists at Wandering Pine have spent years working with people who came in reluctantly, who sat on the couch with their arms crossed and their guard up, who were convinced it wouldn't work for them. Some of those people are now the strongest advocates for therapy you'll ever meet.
You don't have to want to go. You don't have to feel ready. You don't have to have the right words or a clear reason or a specific goal. You're allowed to show up exactly as you are, uncertain and resistant and unsure if any of this will help, and let that be enough to start.
The fact that you're reading this article says something. It means some part of you is curious, even if the rest of you is still dragging its feet. That's enough.
If you’re looking for therapy near you, we might be able to help! You can meet with us in person if you live in Las Vegas (or a surrounding city like Henderson). You can also meet with us virtually if you live anywhere in Nevada, including Reno, Boulder City, Pahrump, Ely, Carson City, and everywhere in between.
TLDR;
Canceling therapy is rarely a scheduling problem. More often, it's your nervous system doing what nervous systems do: protecting you from discomfort. The good news is that recognizing it is already a step toward something different.
You don't have to be ready. You just have to show up.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Already working with a therapist? Your next session is a good place to bring up what you've been avoiding. If you're not sure how to start, try one of the opening lines above. You don't have to have it figured out first.
Haven't started yet? We'd love to meet you wherever you are. Our therapists work with people at all stages, including people who aren't sure they even want to be there yet. You can reach out to our team and we'll help match you with someone who's a good fit for what you're navigating right now.
Gina Romero is a licensed therapist in Las Vegas, NV, offering therapy to adults in Washington, Nevada, and Colorado. She specializes in adult ADHD and autism, and chronic medical conditions. Learn more about Gina here: wanderingpinewellness.com/ginaromero
