Setting Healthy Boundaries During the Holidays (Especially When You Have Multiple Places to Go)
By: Kerry McCarthy, LMHC, LPC, CPC, LAC
The Holidays Can Be Joyful and Overwhelming
The holidays are often portrayed as warm, magical, and full of connection. Sometimes they truly are but for of us, the holiday season also means packed schedules, long drives, competing family expectations, and the pressure to be everywhere at once. When you’re navigating multiple holiday gatherings, especially across families, in-laws, or blended households, stress can quietly build.
Setting healthy boundaries during the holidays isn’t about being difficult or uncaring. It’s about protecting your energy so you can actually enjoy the moments that matter.
Why Setting Boundaries During the Holidays Is So Hard
Holiday stress is rarely just logistical, it’s emotional. This time of year often brings:
Old family dynamics resurfacing
Unspoken expectations and obligations
Guilt for disappointing others
Pressure to “make it special” no matter the cost
Many people override their own needs to keep the peace. Unfortunately, that often leads to resentment, burnout, or emotional shutdown rather than connection.
A Gentle Reframe: You Don’t Have to Do Everything to Be Loving
When you say yes to every invitation:
You rush through visits
You’re mentally tracking time
Your nervous system never fully settles
Healthy holiday boundaries allow you to show up present and grounded instead of depleted. A shorter, grounded visit is often far more meaningful than staying too long out of obligation.
Common Holiday Boundary Challenges (and How to Handle Them)
1. Managing Multiple Family Gatherings
If you’re juggling more than one household, it’s okay to:
Alternate holidays year to year
Split days intentionally
Choose one gathering and schedule another visit later
Fair does not always mean equal. It means sustainable.
2. Guilt About Leaving Early
Leaving early means that you know your limits, not that you don’t care. Set expectations ahead of time:
“We’ll be able to come from 2–4, then we’ll need to head out.”
This protects your energy and reduces awkward goodbyes.
3. Feeling the Need to Over-Explain
You don’t owe anyone a detailed justification for your holiday boundaries.
Simple, calm statements are enough:
“Unfortunately, that doesn’t work for us this year.”
“We’re keeping things smaller this holiday. We look forward to seeing you all this summer.”
Just because it is uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It can simply signal that you are breaking an old pattern.
Holiday Boundaries Go Beyond Scheduling
You may want boundaries around:
Certain conversation topics (politics, body comments, life choices)
Alcohol use
How long you stay
Which days you’re available
It can help to mentally rehearse responses ahead of time so you’re not caught off guard.
You’re Allowed to Create a Holiday That Fits Your Life
Healthy boundaries during the holidays look different for everyone. The goal is that your engagement in activities are in alignment with:
Your capacity
Your relationships
Your current season of life
Many people think that choosing rest, simplicity, or fewer gatherings makes you selfish but I am here to remind you that it makes you human.
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. When you honor your limits, you create space for more presence, authenticity, and connection with others and with yourself. If this season brings up stress, guilt, or old patterns that feel hard to shift on your own, you’re not failing; you’re noticing. And that awareness is often the first step toward change.
If you find that setting boundaries during the holidays brings up anxiety, guilt, or old family patterns, you don’t have to navigate that alone. Therapy can be a supportive space to explore where those reactions come from and to practice setting boundaries that feel both respectful and sustainable. If you’re ready for extra support this season, we invite you to reach out to schedule a consultation and see if working together feels like a good fit.
